Thursday, May 15, 2008

Dennehy, Day 17

Brian Dennehy has an affinity for rabbits.  In fact, his first was a rabbit named Chuckles.  He was white with brown feet.  He could whistle the Florida State theme song and could drink bourbon like water.  Dennehy lost him in a bet with Bill Clinton over who could Dennehy more women in one night.  Dennehy bet against himself and lost by a huge margin.  Dennehy has yet to bet against himself again.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Dennehy, Day 16

"The Return"*

Celebrity Playlist - Brian Dennehy
  • "Thriller" by Michael Jackson -"I turned down the leading role in the music video after they insisted on using make-up to hide the ole barrel chest."
  • "My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crowe - "I wasn't her favorite mistake, but I did her. Twice."
  • "B*tches Ain't Shit" by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg - "I ghostwrote this song. They made it a little less street. They actually spoke to women. I only lie to women."
  • "Sunday Kind of Love" by Etta James - "I actually just like song."
  • "Yellow Submarine" by the Beatles - "I used to own a yellow submarine. I still use sometimes if I travel back to '76 in my time machine. I'm Brian Dennehy."
  • "Crazy" by Britney Spears - "If this ain't the pot calling the kettle black, then it's at least the crazy shaving her head and bashing a car. And I did her."
  • "Say My Name" - Destiny's Child - "I just like the song. I mean seriously...what man says a woman's name? No really, who?"
  • "Ain't That A Kick in the Head" by Dean Martin - "I dedicate this song to Wilford Brimley every time I kick his fat, oatmeal chowing *ss."
  • "'Round Midnight" by John Coltrane & Miles Davis - "Great song."
  • "Mother" by Danzig - "I boned a lot of single moms to this song."
  • "American Idiot" by Green Day - "They say this song is about George W. Bush. But really the W. is Wilford and the B in Bush is for Brimley. I hate him."
  • "Tango" by Kenny G - "Me, plus bourbon, plus this song equals awesome."
  • "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones - "I blare this in my Mercedes convertible that is red and goes fast."
  • "Brown Sugar" by the Rolling Stones - "I put this on some oatmeal I stole from Wilford Brimley in 1985. The song is great to eat stolen oatmeal with."
  • "Peace in our Life (Rambo II)" by Frank Stallone - "I hate Frank Stallone. But I love this song. I did Frank Stallone's wife."
  • "Manic Monday" by the Bangles - "I did the lead singer. Susanna or Suzanne or something. I did her with impunity. Twice. And left her destitute on a Monday morning. Thanks for the song, b*tch! Enjoy the **rp**!"
  • "True At First Light: A Fictional Memoir" by Ernest Hemingway, narrated by Sir Brian Dennehy - "Yeah, I'm plugging my own projects. See F/X2 while you are at it."

*After a brief change of editors, this blog is once again being written by the world's 27th biggest Brian Dennehy fan.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Dennehy, Day 15

Little Known Facts:

Brian Dennehy's middle name is "Shark." Like his namesake, he eats
raw fish for breakfast (and the occasional surfer chick).

Once, after waking up naked and wrapped in seaweed on Dockweiler
Beach, Dennehy stumbled across a golden lamp half-buried in the sand.
Inside – a genie. Our hero wished to become the sexiest man alive.
The genie waved his arms, there was a puff of smoke... and nothing
happened. You guessed it - Brian Dennehy already WAS the sexiest man
alive. Bri Den used his final two wishes on a life-time supply of pot
roast and a jet ski.

ODD got his coffee table from Crate and Barrel, his bourbon from
Circus Liquor, and his barrel chest from his great-great-grandmother
Beulah Dennehy ("Ugliest woman in Louisville, but t*ts like you
wouldn't believe" – BD).

While attending Columbia University on a football scholarship, he
played quarterback, wide receiver, tight end, cornerback, safety, and
middle linebacker. All at the same time. The Lions not had more
successful season since.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Dennehy, Day 14

Does Brian Dennehy have an ethical obligation to time travel back and prevent the Titanic from sinking?

On one hand, the Original should save the Titanic.  He has the knowledge and time machine to prevent the tragic sinking.  On the other hand, he enjoys watching the Titanic sink while guzzling scotch and eating pot roast in his time machine.  Also, after turning down several roles in "Titanic", he feels that James Cameron should have a masterpiece and therefore refuses to the use his time machine to prevent the sinking.

Brian Dennehy is Brian Dennehy.  You are no Brian Dennehy.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Dennehy, Day 13


Earth Day moved to July 9

Members of the global science community have decided to move Earth Day from April 22 to July 9. Dr. Wolfgang Von Bushwicken summed up the change with these words, "Brian Dennehy was born on July 9. The universe has 8 planets now. We initially thought planets orbited the Sun in an elliptical fashion; after a weekend viewing "F/X 2", we determined the other planets orbit Earth in a circular motion. The planets rotate around Earth on a tilted axes directly correlating to the front angle of Brian Dennehy's brush cut. Additionally, we have confirmed that the sun is indeed a retirement community created by Dennehy at the dawn of man (see: time machine) that actually proves the ideas and constructs of "Cocoon". Upon these realizations, we henceforth declare July 9 as the new Earth Day."

There is talk of Earth being renamed after Brian Dennehy, but "the Original" (a Dennehy approved nickname) has yet to decide what to rename Earth.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dennehy, Day 12

Gummi Bears.

In 1968, a hungover Brian Dennehy wanted a gummy treat that looked like his favorite barrel-chested animal, the bear. ODD mixed 3 parts bourbon, 2 parts sugar, 4 parts gelatin, and 1 part bear.  The result, gummy bears.

Dennehy then formed a new branch to his conglomerate (Dennehy Industries): The Gummi Division.  The division manufactured and distributed his Gummi Bears.  Dennehy sold the Gummi Division to Nestle in 1980 for eight figures.

This was not Dennehy's first foray into food creation.  In 1957, as a college freshman at Columbia, Dennehy created jello shots.  Said Dennehy, "I want liquor.  I want sweet.  I want to get drunk."  He initially wanted to use bourbon, but ended up using vodka.  "None of these uptight *****es like bourbon."

Dennehy is also a master chef, part-time masseuse, and has a brown belt in Kung Fu.

Dennehy, Day 11

Great Badass Moments in the life of Brian Dennehy:
  • Challenges Huey Lewis to a steel cage death match. Lewis declines and then pens "If this is it".
  • Gives Wilford Brimley diabetes on principle with a hard Dennehy-stare during 1985 filming of "Cocoon".
  • Barrel-chests through a brick wall to steal some Magnolia cupcakes. Police let him go after realizing, "Hey, this is Brian f*cking Dennehy!"
  • Attempts to go on NBC's Biggest Loser, but is rejected because "It's not fat. You are just barrel-chested."
  • NYC traffic literally stops as a video of Dennehy with a mustache is played on a billboard in Times Square. Days later Tom Selleck decides to grow a mustache for Magnum P.I.
  • Dennehy has sex with Steve Guttenberg's wife and mistress on the set of Cocoon. Asked why he ruined a marriage, an affair, and a friendship, Dennehy replied, "Because I'm Brian f*ckin' Dennehy!"
  • Kicked off the cast of "Over the Top" after breaking Frank Stallone's arm in an arm wrestling match.
  • Kicked off of "Cliffhanger" for mocking Frank Stallone until Sylvester Stallone cried and pigged out on ice cream.
  • Gets out of speeding ticket (150mph in a school zone) by telling cop, "I'm Brian Dennehy. I don't even obey the laws of gravity." After which he preceded to fly to local Dairy Queen and purchase cones for seniors and children. Then fly back to his car and drove 180mph through the school zone.
  • Got a kitten down from a tree by barrel-chesting it (the tree, not the cat; Dennehy loves animals).
  • Got a kitten off a roof by shining moonbeams off his silver hair.
  • Drank a case of beer while running a marathon and winning guessed...his barrel-chest.